Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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