Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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