Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We're too hungover to prance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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