he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
