I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
