In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
