I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
