let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
