Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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