whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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