I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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