I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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