The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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