people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
