I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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