My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
