please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
