The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
