Dual....:-)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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