If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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