My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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