I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
