dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
