so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
