i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
