Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
