I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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