the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
