You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
