No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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