Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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