Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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