anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
