We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
