I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
