Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
