Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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