carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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