after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
MIDGETS
????
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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