so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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