He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
