Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
