the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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