apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
