I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
