i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
