I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
