you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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