my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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