genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
