So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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