She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
