i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize