worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
