My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
