I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
