Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
