dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize