Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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