im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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