we made out on top of his cat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
