Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
