I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
