Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
