It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
