i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
