I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
