i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
