Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
