I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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