I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
