we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
