Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
