My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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