Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
