Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
