so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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