I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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