Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
