You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
