I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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