i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
