even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
