Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
